Last Night We Learned That Shaq's Feet Are A Goddamn Nightmare

Just when you think Shaq’s utter dominance couldn’t be anymore impressive, he goes out and reveals that his feet are completely fucked up. Not only was Diesel plowing through the the NBA like a monster truck in a game of bumper cars, but he was doing it on some absolute shit tires. Not even the Phoenix Suns medical staff could heal those bunions. If I saw that foot on the internet without knowing its context, I would think it was a picture of a homeless person’s foot that was letting the piggies breathe on the train. We all know that #WeirdoSZN has arrived and that looks like a paw that could go viral for looking like Tyrone Biggums’ feet.

Fucking gross. I mean I guess it makes sense. Those poor puppies were supporting The Diesel his entire life. Whether it was grinding out long seasons on hardwood or Shaq playing himself into shape. And the big toe definitely took the brunt of the Big Fella. Shaq’s toe looks like it had a long, successful career moonlighting in the NFL.

And the worst part about all of this is that TNT’s coverage of the NBA is now over. Charles Barkley could have went to TOWN on Shaq’s bum feet for hours while Ernie Johnson’s asshole tightened up like a boa constrictor. What a goddamn shame.